With every season of life, there’s a new kind of emotional rollercoaster—at least for me. As a feeler (ISFJ, if you’re familiar with Myers-Briggs), I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I’m still learning how to manage that. Some days, I wish I could be indifferent or at least keep my emotions inside. But there are other days when I’m grateful for this part of myself—for the empathy that lets me connect deeply with others, especially my kids.
If you’re a parent, you might recognize the rollercoaster I’m talking about. And if you’re parenting teenagers, you’ll know it’s a whole different ride. Trusting that we’ve raised our kids “right” can feel overwhelming. For me, it’s one of the hardest parts of parenting. It’s so easy to second-guess every decision, especially when we know the world will keep influencing them in ways we can’t control. All we can do is hope and pray that we’ve focused on the things that really matter.
Over the past year, I’ve faced a new kind of challenge with my son as he navigates having girlfriends and the relationship drama that sometimes comes with them. Some relationships have brought out unexpected emotions in him—and, yes, in me, too. I’ve learned that many of these young girls are carrying their own kinds of armor, often shaped by earlier trauma. Their defenses, their expectations, and the intensity of their feelings can be a lot for my son and, honestly, for me to process.
I haven’t always considered myself a “mama bear”…until lately…and it’s been challenging to let my cub go, to step back and watch as he learns on his own. As much as I want him to grow and find his way, there are moments when I feel a twinge of something unexpected: the sense of being replaced. I know, someday, he’ll find his true love, his partner for life, and my role will shift yet again. But in my heart, I’m just not ready to take that step back. There’s a part of me that wants to hold on a little longer, to stay close enough to catch him if he falls.
The on-again, off-again nature of teenage relationships is a big part of this emotional rollercoaster. One moment, it’s all bliss; the next, someone’s stirring up drama. They’re dating, then they’re not. Thankfully, my son takes after his dad: when he makes a decision, he sticks to it. He has a tolerance for a certain level of drama, but when it goes too far, he’s done.
Now, our teenage daughter is starting to tiptoe into the dating scene—well, as much as a 9th grader can! She’s still young, and while she doesn’t carry the same emotional baggage as some of my son’s girlfriends, I can’t help but pray that she doesn’t bring her own drama to the table. Teenage girls, you know! Once again, the “mama bear” in me is on high alert, hoping she’s paying attention to what healthy relationships look like. For her, there’s still time…time for me to model the respect, patience, and strength she should expect and demand when her turn comes.
For now, the rollercoaster is on a gentle track. Things are stable, and both of our kids are creating memories they’ll carry with them for a lifetime. Their dad and I are here, watching from a close distance, ready for when the ride takes them upside down or drops unexpectedly out from under them. We’ll be here to steady them, to help them find their footing again when they need it—and to remind them that they’re never alone on this journey.
(Photo credit: istock)